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Sometimes, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles is convinced he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his grandiose moments often turn “detached from reality”, he explains. You’re riding high and you think, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I surpass everyone else … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are usually coming after a “emotional downturn”, where he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his behavior, leaving him highly sensitive to criticism from external sources. He first suspected he might have NPD after investigating his behaviors through digital sources – and eventually diagnosed by a professional. But, he doubts he would have taken the label without having already reached that understanding personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – particularly if they harbor feelings of superiority. “They’re in a delusional world that they made for themselves. And within that framework, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining The Condition

Though people have been called narcissists for more than a century, it’s not always clear what people refer to as the diagnosis. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” states a leading researcher, adding the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he believes many people conceal it, because of significant negative perception linked to the disorder. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to seek admiration through actions such as pursuing power,” the expert says. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in The Disorder

Although a significant majority of people identified as having the condition are males, studies indicates this statistic does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that female narcissism is typically appears in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is under-identified. Male narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, similar to everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who discusses her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. It’s fairly common, the two disorders are comorbid.

Personal Struggles

“I really struggle with receiving negative comments and being turned down,” she shares, since when I’m told that the problem is me, I either go into self-protection or I withdraw entirely.” Although experiencing this behavior – which is known as “ego wounding”, she has been trying to overcome it and take advice from her close relationships, as she aims to avoid falling into the damaging patterns of her previous life. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners during adolescence,” she admits. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her partner “maintain an agreement where I’ve instructed him, ‘If I say something messed up, if my words are controlling, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood primarily in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have positive role models during development. “I’ve been learning over the years what is suitable or harmful to say during a fight because I lacked that guidance growing up,” she shares. “Nothing was off-limits when my relatives were belittling me when I was growing up.”

Root Causes of The Condition

Conditions like NPD tend to be connected with difficulties as a child. Heredity is a factor,” explains an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “tied to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he states, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting specific standards. They then “rely on those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the NPD-diagnosed people, one individual thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual shares when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve academic success and life achievements, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “acceptable.

As he grew older, none of his relationships ever worked out. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he states. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t loving someone, until he met his current partner of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, in a comparable situation, has difficulty with emotional regulation. She is “very supportive of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he says – it was in fact, her who first suspected he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

After a visit to his general practitioner, John was referred to a therapist for an assessment and was informed of his condition. He has been referred for talking therapy through national services (extended treatment is the only treatment that has been shown to help NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the waiting list for a year and a half: “They said it is expected around early next year.”

He has shared with a handful of people about his mental health status, because “prejudice is common that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. “It helps me to understand myself better, which is always a good thing,” he comments. Those interviewed have accepted their narcissism and are seeking help for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the diagnosis. But the presence of online advocates and the development of virtual networks suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number